Let’s face it, not matter how nicely your children play with others, or even how nicely they play together, one minute they can be the best of friends and the next minute there are tears, arguments and even the occasional fight.
Fighting siblings is a perfectly common occurrence - those of us with grown up siblings of our own can probably remember at least a few well fought arguments. Sibling rivalry, or fighting with siblings can happen for a lot of reasons but it often comes back to the one thing at the very heart of the Embers the Dragon programme - communication.
Think about it from your children’s perspectives. They might be the oldest and they are becoming frustrated with their young siblings' treatment of their toys, the fact they take up a bit more of your time or one of a hundred other things. Or they might be the youngest, annoyed at their older sibling having something they don't, upset that their older sibling gets to stay awake with YOU for longer, or again, one of a hundred things. Neither child has all the words to express to you or each other their frustrations and anger and often these get communicated instead via their behaviour.
There are lots of things we can do to help our children to learn other communication skills and to improve core social skills like sharing. At Embers we talk a lot about naming our own emotions to help children identify them in others. For example, ‘Im sorry if mummy sounds mad, i’m just frustrated as i’m trying to cook dinner but i keep having to come back in here and i’m worried it wont be ready in time’. Naming our own emotions helps introduce children to the words and also helps the see first hand how different emotions can manifest in the body.
Praise is another skill we talk about a lot. Praising children for proactively managing their frustrations, like taking themselves away from their brother or sister or practicing some dragon breaths helps children to feel valued by your attention and means they are more likely to do that again.
Finally you can also introduce games and activities that require siblings to work together, to help them work on their communication and teamwork skills. Balloon keep me up is a fun and easy game you can try for this. There are instructions on our instagram so head on over and check out the rules for a fun activity to try with your children. Ultimately children will likely still argue from time to time, but if we can try to reduce the arguments and encourage compassion for each other, there might just be a bit more peace and quiet all round!
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